Qualms & Serenity;

  "With the beautiful names of God, there are names that must always be mentioned together. And the name “Al-Mu’ti” (The Giver) is no exception as God is “The Giver – The Preventer”, Who prohibits in order to give, takes in order to give and lowers in order to raise." **      Its only 6.15 PM, yet for some reason, the weather outside is already dark with grey clouds lurking on everyone who's currently out for sports this evening. Despite the gloomy evening today is, the first day of sem 2 was not as bad as I expected. Being the worrywart I naturally am, I was tremendously anxious of what will happen earlier in the day. It has certainly been a while since I interacted with peers hence, the awkwardness. I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one as I felt the tension and pressure rising in class from the start (since we all just got our sem 1 pointers 2 days back). To my awe, most of them were brilliant at hiding their emotions. Man, I wish it was easy to stri...

a small insight to Al-Jahiz's infamous 'Kitab Al- Hayawan' وَإِذْ يَمْكُرُ بِكَ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا لِيُثْبِتُوكَ أَوْ يَقْتُلُوكَ أَوْ يُخْرِجُوكَ ۚ وَيَمْكُرُونَ وَيَمْكُرُ اللَّهُ ۖ وَاللَّهُ خَيْرُ الْمَاكِرِينَ - 8:30 And [remember, O Muhammad], when those who disbelieved plotted against you to restrain you or kill you or evict you [from Makkah]. But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners. Driven people have always captivated me.  Its as if they have only the most crucial thing I've lost- the uncanny ability to be enduring and ikhlas whilst pursuing their purposes in life. Its mesmerizing how that sincerity can actually be seen through that small spark in their eyes whenever they get into the zone. I haven't a purpose to begin with. You know, that controlling mindset I should be waking up to every morning, which ensures I get out of bed with a jolt of enthusiasm? Well, at least, not just yet.  Hmm, suppose individual...

From where I am right now, 18 and still mentally untact,  it may be true that I've yet to know just how surreal it feels like to hold my own child in my arms. If we're on the same boat, then you might not know either. Whether you'd cry or become speechless or never getting the whole experience at all. Wallahu A'lam, kan? That sure feeling though, the feeling of overwhelming love that envelopes both mother and child, those pure aspirations she set on her children the second she sees you out into the world for the very first time. At that time, I prefer to think that most mothers would never have it in their heart to immediately hope for us to become veterinarians, soldiers on the front lines, avenger of all her previous problems. No In her eyes, we were already special. Just for being born to this beautiful world. Such beautiful souls Allah has created for us- mothers No wonder the saying goes ' Allah's pleasure in in the pleasure of your parents...

dikpina and her friend houra, otw to the library يَا مُقَلِّبَ القُلُوْبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِيْ عَلٰى دِيْنِكَ Oh transformer of the hearts! Make my heart steadfast on your Deen.  Looks like i can't seem to completely ditch this blog, haha Hey there! She's back! Today's post is going to be a blend of everything (hmmz what's new?), but inshaAllah, primarily focused on the idea of steadfastness! (Says the girl who still has self-grounding issues heheee) Firstly, allow me to reinstate my love (read: need) of writing blogposts. Though it all started as -well im not sure why, but my aunt, Ann was the original founder of this blog back in 2008. She randomly shoved a 'sign up to blogger screen' out of nowhere,,  and I've been back-to-back (on random intervals honestly) posting entries ever since. As I grew to become more of a difficult teenager, I tend to seek for support, reassurance or guilty pleasures in all kinds of form just to push my troubl...

malam last paper for test 1 :') "Man is not weary of supplication for good [things],  but if evil touches him, he is hopeless and despairing."  (Surah Fussilat 41:49)      Its already my ninth week into college life and girl, am I still miles away from obtaining the true meaning of being independent. Week 9, the week where everyone in our batch gets all giddy to know their results, some just for the sake of hitting themselves with the pain of being unprepared for the just finished test 1, somehow excited to start over a new chapter of life after quickly forgiving themselves and forget abt their past mishaps which led to the very pointers set before their eyes currently. Of course, I'm no exception. Haih, than you test 1 for slapping me good *continues sobbing* But if there's a lesson or two which I had reaped from these past few days were, summed up; everything that has, is or will happen, its not just about me. 2) The world does not revo...

   Save your breath. I'll tell you myself.    Alhamdulillah, I got 8As and 1B+. You might think that its not much coming from a student who'd spent her 5 years in seri puteri. To that, I say 'meh, go away'. Some might cry over a near miss, while some would feel tremendously blessed, really! And although I was beyond grateful that day, there's a reason to why it took me a month to finally be able to tell people about it with a genuine smile.    I remember on the way to school during results day, I told babak; "Akak aim 5 je," aaand yeah, I purposely left the statement hanging, as an attempt to nudge a reply from him. Babak smiled, and only reminded me to thank Allah if I managed received more. (Alhamdulillah!)  I did, and I was somewhat relieved I didn't receive more than that. Because 1. MY HARDWORK WONT BE ABLE TO PAY FOR IT HAHAHA 2. I'd risk being too happy that I'd forget about those below me, and forget not to trigger their sadness ...

   مَنْ لا يَرحم لا يُرحم Those who do not love others, will not be loved. (Hadith narrated by Muslim)      April somehow has been my most challenging yet fruitful month yet, post the big exam,. I had to juggle time between madrasah classes which I need to attend to more proactively as the lessons get tougher to digest, driving classes to drag myself into, and above all, giving my all towards making home a better place- starting with mending the bond between us three sisters.      Qaisarah is turning 11 in the next two months. She's still the same old sensitive kind who'd cry silently and reply "Sa pun tak tahu kenapa," whenever you ask her about it. She still likes to copy everything  I do, mostly in terms of watching anime (which I strongly regret) and binge-watch them from dawn to dusk! And neither her japanese or understanding of any hidden moral values in them are increasing ._. However, it cools my eyes to see her bei...

اَلأَنَاةُ مِنَ اللهِ وَ الْعُجْلَةُ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ Calmness is from Allah and haste is from shaytaan Okay! The past week had me whirled away in a depressing typhoon. Well, it was the week when most scholarships had their deadlines,(ofc, like clockwork!) it was also when I realized I wasn't eligible for any routes I had in mind, and most of my friends are already advancing in life, however and whatsoever! Truth be told, despite the calm (read: blur) exterior, I'm most definitely an impatient person Ya Allah, sangat! Ofc, being patient doesn't only apply at handling anger, It also plays along the lines of being patient with the flow of time, meaning, not rushing into things due to a burst of impulse If acting on impulse is a norm for teens , then I guess the only way to maturity is to finally get rid of that. As of now though, I like things to be done in an instant, ignoring the times when it'll drag my schedule messing up any ot...

Without doubt, muslims are supposedly able to handle this problem effortlessly; Wrapped in the warmth of blankets, with sunlight barely gracing the world with it's subtle peek, birds already out in search of their promised share of rizq, yet candidly some ppl (like me oho) still think of countless excuses to stay loyal to their beds, "Whats the point of another day? Am I about to repeat the same cycle all over again?" and well, once again, tuck themselves to bed, all snug. So I recently picked this book out of queer interest Curious at how our other brothers and sisters tend to find a purpose at living without a firm belief in Islam (May Allah revert them, Amin) and undeniably, lead better lives than most of the muslims nowadays who are simply just called 'penunggang agama' The people described in this book (folks in Okinawa) are MashaAllah, its as if the sunnah of our prophet was in their blood without them realizing at all! Some of ...

Between you and the ones around you, who comes first? For some people, its a given that youre someone who tends to give out more possibly because of the fact that youre so used to having your possessions torn away from you, regardless of it being by your younger siblings or whatever the cause it may be .And who knows whether you expect nothing or a ten-fold reward in return, well, that depends on the individual himself. You might claim yourself to be someone selfless, altruistic, ignorant of how youre being treated, asalkan dia bahagia .  Seriously?  Hmm, you know what, I'm starting to think that it sounds a bit strange. Yet, once taunted with the mere thought that all youre doing only leaves an empty spot in your heart, despite acknowledging the subtle wave of  pleasure you get upon seeing someone else beam because of you, you'll might start to console yourself with this hadith; The Prophet  salallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam  said:  None of ...