What Keeps Her Going

dikpina and her friend houra, otw to the library

يَا مُقَلِّبَ القُلُوْبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِيْ عَلٰى دِيْنِكَ

Oh transformer of the hearts! Make my heart steadfast on your Deen. 

Looks like i can't seem to completely ditch this blog, haha
Hey there! She's back!

Today's post is going to be a blend of everything (hmmz what's new?), but inshaAllah, primarily focused on the idea of steadfastness! (Says the girl who still has self-grounding issues heheee)

Firstly, allow me to reinstate my love (read: need) of writing blogposts. Though it all started as -well im not sure why, but my aunt, Ann was the original founder of this blog back in 2008. She randomly shoved a 'sign up to blogger screen' out of nowhere,,  and I've been back-to-back (on random intervals honestly) posting entries ever since.

As I grew to become more of a difficult teenager, I tend to seek for support, reassurance or guilty pleasures in all kinds of form just to push my troubles aside. Some of them would work for a short while, whereas comfort food would just divert my concern towards my now-empty dompet rather than the monstrosity which goes on in my head till who knows when itll end!

An important lesson broke through the fog. Turns out, it would not mean anything if I dont pick myself up in the first place!!! Despite the countless of times people have been telling me about the idea of self-love, its funny how I'm only beginning to see the light just now.

Plus, understand that self-love is very much aligned to loving our Rabb as well. I'll give you a hint. It teaches us gratitude. Alhamdulillah for the beautiful, magnificent human beings we are today. The faster we learn to love ourselves for who we really are (you could say His frail servant, the only species capable to be called khalifah on earth, or a weak girl just  trying to balance her akhirah and worldly affairs), the easier it is to be enthralled of how Islam is truly our best way of living.

For me, writing (after crying whilst making dua buuut when does that ever happen :'( )) is one of my best mediums to rearrange the clutter in my head, therefore; I should keep writing if I know what's best for myself. I would own and extract all the abstract pieces onto a plain white canvas, enabling me to fully grasp everything and sort things out visually. Yes, just shows just how serabut my mind is after overthinking about a lot of nonsensical things.

I wont be surprised if Kak Aida Azlin herself would reveal in the future that her love letter project was meant to fix herself more than it would benefit the hundred thousands of sisters ( and possibly brothers too) worldwide.

So why expose it to public? If its just a self-waged war with your inner demons, shouldn't it be something too personal to be shared to the world? Shouldn't your diary be sufficient enough?

Well, I've my reasons. And one of them being, I tend to think of myself as a rather open-book kinda person, therefore I'm *trying* to not be ashamed of my flawed kooky center and embrace it warmly instead! An audience would be the perfect boundary keeper for my 'istiqamah-ness' at writing. Mhm,  I know. I'm my sole reader of my own posts

Which brings me to another thought. I must have such a low imaan to be needing some sort of attention from whatsoever to keep struggling. I'll embrace this, and I'll hope by decluttering my noodle on a weekly basis, my relationships, with Allah especially would improve tremendously, if not then gradually, constantly, istiqamah-ly blossom into something worth leaving my guilty pleasures for :)

"wAit, did she just mention weekly?"

Hehe, yeap!
InshaAllah, I'll be breathing a new era of productivity into this gudolblog
Every Saturday starting from next week, aamiin! with raw sentimental posts every now and then
The more frequent, the better ofc, lolll

May Allah Ease everything, specifically by protecting my 5 senses from excessive worldly desires which may dim the way for nur to enter my heart, hence explaining the chaotic jungle in le head in the first place,,oh, and same goes to everyone else reading this as well!
^oop, that's me again! :P

ps/ if you havent' yet, do subscribe to sister Aida Azlin right here ;

https://www.aidaazlin.com/get-started

...for her heartwarming reflections on life and her famed Tuesday Love Letters via email
(all for free!, I mean, how cool is that?!)