Forget-Me-Not

Between you and the ones around you, who comes first?

For some people, its a given that youre someone who tends to give out more possibly because of the fact that youre so used to having your possessions torn away from you, regardless of it being by your younger siblings or whatever the cause it may be .And who knows whether you expect nothing or a ten-fold reward in return, well, that depends on the individual himself. You might claim yourself to be someone selfless, altruistic, ignorant of how youre being treated, asalkan dia bahagia. 

Seriously?

 Hmm, you know what, I'm starting to think that it sounds a bit strange. Yet, once taunted with the mere thought that all youre doing only leaves an empty spot in your heart, despite acknowledging the subtle wave of  pleasure you get upon seeing someone else beam because of you, you'll might start to console yourself with this hadith;

The Prophet salallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself. [Bukharee & Muslim]

But oh, wait a splinter, emphasize on the third part of the hadith (yes, the one highlighted)
So, have you loved yourself enough to actually imply it on others? If not, then I guess this is when you have to go back to square one where being selfish is permissible.

Since all this blabbering is purely based on experience, I personally know the feeling when you thought you're doing him a favour by letting him have his ways, but it turns out weird that youre feeling sad deep down inside, thinking about how people have never treated you the same way. Padahal you could've always (at least) try to have things your way for a change.

Heres a simple example.
I love taking photos of everything around me, and well, you could say I'm pretty decent at it. Once the lens of my DSLR is spotted from afar, people whom never talked to me for ages would suddenly pop up into view and say "Houris, tangkap gambar aku! Solo eh, solo"

"OK!," I would exclaim, all too enthusiastically.

And if they ever offer to return the favour, I'd quickly snap, "Nah, I'm fine"

Without realizing it, youre the one who's making things awkwaard, cutting your ties short w people, intimidating them, subconsciously making people uncomfortable with you. Try to be more loving and honest towards yourself. What do you want for yourself? Speak up!

But of course, there are some high-strung & stubborn friends of mine, who are completely annoyed of my unnecessary selflessness ,would go out of their way to snatch the camera from my grasp and forcibly tell me to look happy. As annoyed as I was, I can't help but feel loved at the same time.

I was foolish to keep on wishing to have a significant other pronto, just to take candid photos of me and submit to all my selfish desires when I can't even be honest with myself in the first place.

Around this very moment in 2017, I remember the excited footsteps of us five friends, running towards Hyacinth 4 just to get a better view of the fireworks, watching intently as colours splashed across our faces in turns, completely oblivious of all hell (or heaven!! hehe) thats bound to befall us throughout our last year in highschool.

And although this post should've came earlier during Awal Muharram, guess I needed more time to heal post-SPM (hehe still bad at moving on)

For the sake of obtaining the highest degree of love (which is for Allah himself) I should start by taking good care of the body which He has given me, freeing it from sins and-

Forget about toppling others, lets just focus on being a better version of ourselves instead :)

For a lengthier explanation, do visit
https://themuslimvibe.com/faith-islam/spirituality/the-three-levels-of-love