Qualms & Serenity;

a small insight to Al-Jahiz's infamous 'Kitab Al- Hayawan' وَإِذْ يَمْكُرُ بِكَ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا لِيُثْبِتُوكَ أَوْ يَقْتُلُوكَ أَوْ يُخْرِجُوكَ ۚ وَيَمْكُرُونَ وَيَمْكُرُ اللَّهُ ۖ وَاللَّهُ خَيْرُ الْمَاكِرِينَ - 8:30 And [remember, O Muhammad], when those who disbelieved plotted against you to restrain you or kill you or evict you [from Makkah]. But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners. Driven people have always captivated me.  Its as if they have only the most crucial thing I've lost- the uncanny ability to be enduring and ikhlas whilst pursuing their purposes in life. Its mesmerizing how that sincerity can actually be seen through that small spark in their eyes whenever they get into the zone. I haven't a purpose to begin with. You know, that controlling mindset I should be waking up to every morning, which ensures I get out of bed with a jolt of enthusiasm? Well, at least, not just yet.  Hmm, suppose individual...

From where I am right now, 18 and still mentally untact,  it may be true that I've yet to know just how surreal it feels like to hold my own child in my arms. If we're on the same boat, then you might not know either. Whether you'd cry or become speechless or never getting the whole experience at all. Wallahu A'lam, kan? That sure feeling though, the feeling of overwhelming love that envelopes both mother and child, those pure aspirations she set on her children the second she sees you out into the world for the very first time. At that time, I prefer to think that most mothers would never have it in their heart to immediately hope for us to become veterinarians, soldiers on the front lines, avenger of all her previous problems. No In her eyes, we were already special. Just for being born to this beautiful world. Such beautiful souls Allah has created for us- mothers No wonder the saying goes ' Allah's pleasure in in the pleasure of your parents...

dikpina and her friend houra, otw to the library يَا مُقَلِّبَ القُلُوْبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِيْ عَلٰى دِيْنِكَ Oh transformer of the hearts! Make my heart steadfast on your Deen.  Looks like i can't seem to completely ditch this blog, haha Hey there! She's back! Today's post is going to be a blend of everything (hmmz what's new?), but inshaAllah, primarily focused on the idea of steadfastness! (Says the girl who still has self-grounding issues heheee) Firstly, allow me to reinstate my love (read: need) of writing blogposts. Though it all started as -well im not sure why, but my aunt, Ann was the original founder of this blog back in 2008. She randomly shoved a 'sign up to blogger screen' out of nowhere,,  and I've been back-to-back (on random intervals honestly) posting entries ever since. As I grew to become more of a difficult teenager, I tend to seek for support, reassurance or guilty pleasures in all kinds of form just to push my troubl...

malam last paper for test 1 :') "Man is not weary of supplication for good [things],  but if evil touches him, he is hopeless and despairing."  (Surah Fussilat 41:49)      Its already my ninth week into college life and girl, am I still miles away from obtaining the true meaning of being independent. Week 9, the week where everyone in our batch gets all giddy to know their results, some just for the sake of hitting themselves with the pain of being unprepared for the just finished test 1, somehow excited to start over a new chapter of life after quickly forgiving themselves and forget abt their past mishaps which led to the very pointers set before their eyes currently. Of course, I'm no exception. Haih, than you test 1 for slapping me good *continues sobbing* But if there's a lesson or two which I had reaped from these past few days were, summed up; everything that has, is or will happen, its not just about me. 2) The world does not revo...

   Save your breath. I'll tell you myself.    Alhamdulillah, I got 8As and 1B+. You might think that its not much coming from a student who'd spent her 5 years in seri puteri. To that, I say 'meh, go away'. Some might cry over a near miss, while some would feel tremendously blessed, really! And although I was beyond grateful that day, there's a reason to why it took me a month to finally be able to tell people about it with a genuine smile.    I remember on the way to school during results day, I told babak; "Akak aim 5 je," aaand yeah, I purposely left the statement hanging, as an attempt to nudge a reply from him. Babak smiled, and only reminded me to thank Allah if I managed received more. (Alhamdulillah!)  I did, and I was somewhat relieved I didn't receive more than that. Because 1. MY HARDWORK WONT BE ABLE TO PAY FOR IT HAHAHA 2. I'd risk being too happy that I'd forget about those below me, and forget not to trigger their sadness ...

   مَنْ لا يَرحم لا يُرحم Those who do not love others, will not be loved. (Hadith narrated by Muslim)      April somehow has been my most challenging yet fruitful month yet, post the big exam,. I had to juggle time between madrasah classes which I need to attend to more proactively as the lessons get tougher to digest, driving classes to drag myself into, and above all, giving my all towards making home a better place- starting with mending the bond between us three sisters.      Qaisarah is turning 11 in the next two months. She's still the same old sensitive kind who'd cry silently and reply "Sa pun tak tahu kenapa," whenever you ask her about it. She still likes to copy everything  I do, mostly in terms of watching anime (which I strongly regret) and binge-watch them from dawn to dusk! And neither her japanese or understanding of any hidden moral values in them are increasing ._. However, it cools my eyes to see her bei...

اَلأَنَاةُ مِنَ اللهِ وَ الْعُجْلَةُ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ Calmness is from Allah and haste is from shaytaan Okay! The past week had me whirled away in a depressing typhoon. Well, it was the week when most scholarships had their deadlines,(ofc, like clockwork!) it was also when I realized I wasn't eligible for any routes I had in mind, and most of my friends are already advancing in life, however and whatsoever! Truth be told, despite the calm (read: blur) exterior, I'm most definitely an impatient person Ya Allah, sangat! Ofc, being patient doesn't only apply at handling anger, It also plays along the lines of being patient with the flow of time, meaning, not rushing into things due to a burst of impulse If acting on impulse is a norm for teens , then I guess the only way to maturity is to finally get rid of that. As of now though, I like things to be done in an instant, ignoring the times when it'll drag my schedule messing up any ot...